Another post- I’m trying to get one up twice a week. ^_^
Today’s art image is a page from a story that just never happened, that a young friend of mine wrote- and I’m hoping we can pick up with again.  Xylia and little Louise from Nigel’s Opus. I  hope you like it.

——————-Barblog———————-

Urgh…

After a few days of feeling pretty dang good, my confidence took another of its nosedives and I got filled up with a lot of fear again.  I hate that. I can push against it all I want, but it just seems to grab a hold with more ferocity.  I can try to ignore it, but Fear will not be ignored.  It will throw things at the side of my head and kick me in the stomach, until I quietly accept defeat until that bully decides to leave.

The beginning of Autumn is always a tough time of year for me, I admit that.  I really didn’t think it would still be, but nothing in my life is really feeling very stable or even that hopeful right now,  so the memories of that  past life that I had, and how I can’t find my way back to that place that I thought was real and that I loved so much are haunting me pretty sharply.  It’s times like this when I feel completely alone on a crowded planet, and that I never really have and never will fit in anywhere.

Just have to keep moving through it.  One step at a time.

I continue to stumble with my fitness, too and that’s adding to my stress.  I’m eating badly, but still making it into the gym so at least there’s that.  But the sense of control over my physical well being is faltering.   Nothing seems to be in any kind of order or stability at the moment

This too shall pass. <———  I will repeat this ad nauseam, though doubting its validity.

————–Responses to August 29, 2010————-

Lora: Wow, it’s great to see you here!  Amazing how many ‘masterminds’ are posting on this site. It’s supposed to be a really rare personality type!

Tinkerwrks: You know, my introvert score was one from the most you could get.  I’m completely introverted, so I understand!

Ladyfox7oaks: thank you for the kind words about Deek, sadly he has been getting sick again this week, I hope we can head it off again.  Poor guy.   And I’m still not really on that wagon again, still chasing after it though.

Francisco: You are right, the business trip was both lucrative and enjoyable and I need to look at it that way.  So you are an extrovert! Very cool- there are a lot of introverts here in the Xyliacs, so that’s good to see.

Harena- yep, you have a personality I can definitely understand! ^_^

Octodude: Actually ‘Tinkerhell’ is what it actually says- maybe you misread it- that font was hard to read.  And yes, I think you may know who that is in the background too. >:-)   I don’t know about my fella thinking he is blessed- if he does, he is a bit misguided.  I don’t’ see myself as any kind of blessing.  Yes, I do have a very fine hat. ^_^

Christine: Yes, it’s hard to get back to eating right when you fall off the wago- good luck with the running- I try to go t3 miles on the treadmill when I run, but when I miss a couple days it takes me a day or so to get back to that.   Thank you for the kind words about dark times.  I kind of need that right now.

Nathaniel: Thank you for the kind words about my blog, and for saying that I’m interesting.  I don’t see that, but thank you just the same!  I have decided to fight the seatbelt ticket. GO ME. I fight authority authority always wins….

Nancy: Yay- another guardian!  Thank you for continuing to stop by and read!

CaliDave: Things were getting better and now have hit a snag- hopefully a little one.  You know- I did the collaboration thing once, and decided not to do that again.  I have trust issues like you wouldn’t believe.

DormantDrake: Very cool- you are also a Rational. We have had SO many!  And that is such a rare personality, I think it’s very fascinating!  Thank you for writing, and the kind words for Deek. I hope he continues to get better!

Caitydid: LOL- Yes, – Libros has  got two horns, but I still think of him as a unicorn anyway.  He hates that.   Good luck with your 5K training!  You will have to keep us up to date on your progress!!    As far as the personality, the thing to remember about ‘introversion’ on that scale is not so much how outgoing you are, but where you draw your ‘energy’ when you need to power up- if you prefer to be alone at that time, you are introverted, if you gain energy from being around others, you are an extrovert.

Julie: Ah yes, the back button- and you go back to discover that you are yet ANOTHER rare type- the Rational Mastermind. That is so cool.  ^_^

Graceof bass: Yes, I was much happier and I have backslid, but I hope to get back to happy again.  And a provider is very good!   Thank you for sharing your results.

Strange Ian: That guy? Is that a real guy?  Uh….. uh…..well as we say in the US- ‘I’m taking the fifth on that.’ >:-)

Thank you all for coming back and reading my ramblings, and sharing your thoughts and comments.  It really means a lot to me.

Hugs,
B

Hello Xyliacs!

Thank you again for reading my blogs and for all the nice responses!  I’m still shocked at how many of you are reading this blog and responding to it.  Thank you so much.

Some of you took the Myers/Briggs personality sorter and we had some guardians and masterminds out there!  Very cool!  ^_^  Hopefully some of you enjoyed that little quiz and maybe learned something about yourself or other folks out there.  I know the personality description for me was SCARY right on, and I know others have said the same.

Thank you for the well wishes for the Deekster- as you can see from my pic, he is still with us and doing 100% better!  No more throwing up, and he’s got his spunky sassy on again!  ^_^

———————-Xylia News—————

Not much to announce here yet I’m sorry to say – I can’t really divulge anything about that promotional avenue yet.  Hopefully soon.  Still trying to work through the way I’m going to get the story moving again.  It’s really frustrating.  So I continue to sketch and concept.  Today’s drawing is a bit of an inside joke; perhaps me letting off steam? It’s something I thought about drawing for a long time and finally did.  That’s all I have to say about that.  Ahem.

Glad y’all seemed to like the pic of Claude, Ty, Livy, and Libros.  I love how characters interact with each other- especially when they don’t get along.  Meh!

———————-Barblog————————

This last week found me starting out well in my fitness goals and ending disastrously.   I started a new hour long class with weights three days a week, and got a few runs in, but at the end of the week I had a weekend business trip doing caricatures and staying in a hotel with a food stipend, and….well….I indulged a bit more than I should.  <.<  I did hit the hotel gym once and run three miles, but that was about it.  Most of the three days were spent sitting on my can eating or drawing caricatures.  So I gotta hit it HARD this week.

Falling off the wagon is only bad if you don’t get back on the wagon.  I’m running after it right now. ^_^

As I mentioned earlier in the blog, Deek made a complete recovery from whatever ailed him. Thank God.  He eats on his own, and is 100% better, running around wagging his nubbin and barking at the neighbors when they stop by.  He went to see my friend Pat play in concert Thursday night and tried to get up on stage with the band!  Deek is back… Deek the star.

I am fortunately in a good state of mind, I just need to keep focused on projects and force myself to sit and write each day.  That’s my goal for this week.

And finally my grumble/stupid moment of the week: last Thursday,  I was a block from home, forgot to put my seat belt on, got pulled over and given a $125.00 ticket for not wearing it.  Really?   GAHHHHHH!!!! So WEAR YOUR SEATBELT.   Sigh.

————————Responses to August 25, 2010—————————

Nathaniel: Thank you very much for the nice comments about the comic, and thank you for reading my rambling blog. Thanks for the well wishes as well.

TKDB: Wow, thank you very much for the kind words about Xylia, and welcome.  I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and opinions on my work, it really does help a lot.   I hope you keep coming back!

Caitydid: LOL, The Corgi and The Unicorn works, except that Libros is actually an Amphekeron or a winged bicorn. ^_^  (He gets pretty ticked off at being called a unicorn! )  Yes, Deek is doing much better and thank you for the well wishes!

Ladyfox7oaks:  Yes, Claude and Ty in the same room again…it’s going to be so much fun!  Thank you for the well wishes for Deek!

Slamlander- Still an ENTJ?  Were you expecting a change?   ^_^   Wow – an extroverted writer?!  That’s something!   My Introvert scale is about as high as it gets and many other writers I know are the same.  ENTJ is an extremely rare personality.

Omegon- Another Rational!  INTJ is another very rare personality, and basically you are the introverted version of Slamlander’s type.  Being introverted is not to say you don’t do well around people, it just means that you draw energy from time spent alone, whereas the extroverts draw energy from time spent with others.  Your personality type was the one I was shooting for with Claude, but I realized when I had ‘him’ take the test, that he really was an Idealist after all.

Strange Ian- thank you for the nice comments.  Yes, Deek and I are both doing much better. Thanks so much!

Elizabeth: I think those personality profiles are pretty cool too- yours is similar to mine, only the extrovert model.  ^_^  You like the parties, I like the cozy quiet room with a book or sketchpad.  ^_^

Harena: I think I remember that when I brought this up before- you have the same type as me, Josh, Kez, Richard, and a whole bunch of other Xyliacs. ^_^  As well as Claude.

Kyastar: that is the same type as my mom and my best friend.  My daughter is also in that group of personalities.  I get along with those types really well!  ^_^

MCat: Yay!  Another ‘Mastermind’.  (I always think of Stewie Griffin saying that…)  Rationals are VERY rare personalities, and here we have three just like that!  Thank you for the well wishes for Deek!  He is doing so much better.

Passing Shadow: Thank you for coming to read the story and for taking the time to comment here!   I completely understand and actually appreciate your desire for me to want to continue the tale, and I hope to get going soon…

SkeweredViewpoint: You know, I always wondered if people’s personalities could shift on this quiz- the first time I took this test was over twenty years ago, and it has always stayed the same every time I’ve taken it.  But it wouldn’t surprise me if someone’s outlook could change how they view and ultimately exist in the world.

Octodude: Yes, I am Batgirl.  ^_^ Heh.    Yes, Deek is much better and I am so blessed that I have such a wonderful man in my life that could help me out with a loan for some of the vet expenses.  I’m glad you like the self portrait.  ^_^  Thank you for the comments *rides off into that Texas sunset…*

Scim: Thank you very much for the kind words about Xyliatales, and for the words of support with my stumbling.  I really want to update soon.  I hope y’all know that.  ^_^ thank you for reading!

Cat: Thanks for the info on IBD, but I’m very sorry about the loss of your cat.  Dogs and cats have very different physiology, and they don’t really get too many similar maladies. I have a feeling that Deek had colitis brought on by a gradual intolerance to his Hills RD food.  I switched him to a different food,  and I think he is going to be fine.

Silent Mech: Like I said, my mom, daughter and best friend are all Guardians (as is Ollie) and I quite like them a lot!  I should take the test as Xylia! That’s a smashing idea.

Thank you everyone for reading, commenting and just supporting this project through this time… and supporting me as well!

Hugs,
~B

Hi Xyliacs!

I am going to try to update this blog at least twice a week, if not more.  After going several weeks at a time with no updates, it’s time to get the Xylia site up and running again…

Once again, I want to thank all of you for stopping in, reading my crazy ramblings and lending your support, for this I will never stop being grateful.  Those of you who have taken the time to write kind words, please know that it really means so much to me.

Today’s pic is one of many idea sketches I have done in the last couple weeks- tightened up a little bit.  Mostly a character study- but some concept in there too… some funny character interaction?    So many ideas running around- I just need to catch them and weave them into a logically flowing story.

To those of you nice enough to have been keeping tabs, I have been gradually moving out of my latest state of emotional disarray, doing as much as I can cranking out work projects, working out to keep my brain clear, forging through the regular responsibilities of my little universe,  and dealing with the latest ‘traumatic event’- caring for my very sick pup.  He has had some kind of intestinal illness the vets can’t figure out, and has dropped a lot of weight- he was so weak and sick that I thought I might lose him on Saturday night and rushed him to a 24 hour animal hospital.   So it’s been a stressful and expensive time in Barbland.

The good news is that Deekster seems to have stabilized, and I think he has turned a corner and is slowly getting well!  I hope so.  After three other vets failed to help him, I went to a country vet recommended by a friend of mine, and he seems to have figured out how to help me treat Deek.  Thank you everyone for your Facebook prayers and well wishes. I will keep you all informed.

Some exciting news may be coming with the promotion of Xyliatales. Still keeping it under wraps, but there may be someone to help me with getting it out there. Even more reason I want to get it moving again.

As always, a huge thank you to all of you who have written such supportive words here on my blog.  I am stunned at how many of you still come here with the updates on hiatus.  Thank you so much for your support, and kindness.

——————–Response to  August 20 comments———-

Caitydid: Thank you very much for the kind words and well wishes.  As far as responding to people- at this point, yes I do try to respond to every comment.  Once the story gets into gear and taking up a lot of time,  it may be harder for me to write such lengthy responses, but I will try. To me, it really means a lot that so many of you take the time to write words of support and encouragement.  Especially when you aren’t rewarded with any story right now.  Thank you!

Athena: You are very kind, but no- ‘amazing‘ is not a word I readily use to describe myself with!  I’m sorry that the story is still on hold, and I hope it will get back up soon, but I can’t put out something that is sub par.  And the other issue is trying to figure out where I’m going.  My life has changed  a great deal, and for me, I need the story to reflect that.  I just have to figure that out.
Thank you for your kind comments!

Mary Beth: Welcome to the Xyliacs!  Thank you for your kind words, and I’m glad that you are enjoying he story.  I hope the updates will come soon…

OctoDude: Thank you for your kind words, and true words- I have come out the other side of this latest entanglement with the nasty stuff in my head.  No, I most certainly don’t have a cape (although I used to tie my grandma’s apron around my neck and fly around pretending to be Batman, but that’s another story…)and yes, I only clearly see my shortcomings, I do admit that and  I also have to admit that may never change at this point.  (So yes, I agree that  am disagreeing with you… you know me pretty well, don’t you? <3)

Regarding courage-  I always loved this John Wayne quote:
“Courage is being scared to death – but saddling up anyway.”
I feel like I’m still trying to get on that horse…

Skewered Viewpoint: “At the end of the day, all that matters is that one has upheld their personal code as best as they could. There will be regrets, doubts, worries, and failings, but there will also be happiness, certainties, reassurances, and successes.” What you said here really bears repeating.  That’s excellent.  One of the amazing things about the Xyliacs (the community of readers and folks that I am blessed to call readers- is that among us are many that would be classified in the Myers-Briggs personality sorter as “Idealists’.  A rare personality type in the populace at large, a huge percentage of the people drawn to this story tested with these types.  And yes, it’s my type as well.  If you’re curious what yours is, you can take you little selves over and take the test  here. The idealist, as a temperament, is: passionately concerned with personal growth and development.  Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity.  FWIW, I took the quiz as Claude and I was answering it as best I could from his point of view, hoping for a “Rational’ personality, but he came out as an Idealist. 

Wayfarer: Thank you, as always,  for the kind words on the art. ^_^

Miamistax: Thank you SO MUCH for the image you created in the forum.  It was very touching, and I thank you for creating it.  Here is a link to view it if you don’t have forum access.  It is exactly how I feel about the Xyliacs.

Francisco: Thank you so much for giving the time to read my story and for your comments here!

Julie: I will definitely have to check out Wapsi Square- I haven’t been reading many webcomics of late, but that sounds quite intriguing.  Thank you for trying to James Bond away my nasty voices.  It never hurts to try!

Slamlander: Reviews of that ilk do sting, I admit.  But like anything else negative in life, they can and will come along, and it’s my responsibility to choose to not allow them to harm me.  I just struggle with that choice, because I have so many inner voices that resonate with negative things like that.  Sort of like gas on a fire… Sorry your muse has wandered off, maybe our muses are having coffee in Nice or playing Guitar Hero at some  Anime convention… I don’t know… Thank you!

Kyastar: *Thank you*.

Dana: My challenges with the Big D started at the age of 13- at least from what I remember. Of course at the time, I had no idea why I felt the way I did, or why over the years I would go through regular periodic funks, resulting in tons of personal damage control- my messing up of friendships, holing up and feeling lost…until I was diagnosed at 27.  Now nearly 20 years later, I still dance with this tangled snarl of angry self talk and stress, until I figure out how to wad it up and stuff it back in its box.  No it’s NOT something everyone can do, and I always try to have a lot of compassion for those people who can’t.  It’s a real journey and a crap shoot trying to figure out what can and will work, and then finding the strength  (and often money) to implement it.    This is why when Tom Cruise jumped around on a sofa like a chimp and belittled Brooke Shields for her struggles with depression, I just wanted to shoot his tiny little ass into orbit.  But that’s…just…me.  Thank you for the kind words, and I’m glad you understood the drawing. One of my favorite works of art that depicts depression is this by Van Gogh:  it personifies depression so purely, it’s painful for me to look at.

Ladyfox7oaks: Thank you for ‘understanding’ my art.   That always means a lot to me.

UsArmyretired: In response to you not knowing what to say when someone thanks you, you really have done more that enough to earn the respect.  ‘Thank you’ always seems like it’s not enough to me.  Thank you for the kind words again, and I do hope to figure out how to intertwine the story I need to tell with Xylia once again.

Mutt Lover: Okay, that is like one of my ALL time favorite Corgi movies.  And I had forgotten how much I love it!   Thank you for posting it!  ^_^

Smack: Thank you for writing.  I suppose ‘battling’ comes from the feeling that some of the nasty internal talk, or as we call it around here, Negavox, can be pretty ferocious, and it can take a mental form of warrior stance to cut it down or at least put it in a cage.  What you say here, I have said to other friends of mine that were going through this – that you should see the success in the day to day struggle.  The problem is that when mired in the pit of total, irrational depression, it’s nearly impossible to see any positive.   Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to share your story!

Meika: thank you so much for the well wishes and kind words!  I am drawing (as you can see here) it’s just a matter of figuring out how to move ahead with the story that’s giving me grief.  Thanks for commenting!

Lillian: thank you very much, for enjoying the story and the kind words and well wishes.  But mostly for sharing that Xyliatales in some way helped inspire you to create your stories.  That truly brings me the greatest joy. Thank you!

Thank you all, Xyliacs for the kindness and patience.  You are the best readers.  You simply are!

Edit: If you all take the Kiersey (Myers Briggs) personality quiz, why don’t you share your results!  This sorter is really amazingly accurate.   I had a fun time taking the quiz as Tychia, and came up with the personality type PROMOTER- ” In a word, they are men and women of action. When a Promoter is present, things begin to happen: the lights come on, the music plays, the games begin. Clever and full of fun, Promoters live with a theatrical flourish which makes even the most routine events seem exciting.”

Then Talismen’s Ollie took the test and came up with the INSPECTOR type: …”the one word that best describes Inspectors is superdependable.  In their quiet way, Inspectors see to it that rules are followed, laws are respected, and standards are upheld.”
Wow. I guess I know my characters… LOL.  Or maybe they are actually in my head taking the test…Hmm…. that would explain the craziness I seem to exhibit…!

<3 B

Today’s blog is really going to just be a thank you and response to all of you who left such kind and encouraging comments on my last blog post. It never ceases to amaze me the amount of kindness that is out there; that any of you would take the time to write in the first place is humbling, but the level of thoughtfulness of the comments is extraordinary.

One thing I really want to mention is that my issues have nothing to do with the review I got several months ago- I think some of you are misled that my problems stem from that. I’m sorry that I made it seem that way. The review was not pleasant, and yeah, iit did add to my anxiety about putting my work (which I already felt was horribly flawed) out for public display, but it was in no way the cause of my depression or ultimately any of my stuff- my insecurity is my own and not anyone else’s fault. I just wanted to be really clear about that. Most of the things I have going on in my world are personal, and I haven’t shared them here. But please don’t blame the review or the reviewer. I still stand by my belief that he has a right to say what he wishes on the web, just as I do.

Thank you all for helping me feel less alone in this lonely and stressful time, and I really can’t thank you enough…

——Response——–

Sparks: thank you again for the offer to migrate data, and I really appreciate your help and information on that. And of course the Corgi pics. Wow. Corgis are the magic tonic for instant uplift. And not just a Corgi, but a fluffy. Bonus points. <3

Gingerbread: Thank you so much for your kind post and for sharing your information with me- sorry that my email is no longer available on the site- I will have Kez repost it at the bottom of the page. I have ‘done’ Zoloft in large doses, but it felt like my eyes would fall out. I don’t take anything anymore- I just get regular cardio, and that seems to work as well as anything. The book you suggest is one that I own, and I should read again! Thank you so much for sharing and letting me know that I’m not the only one.

Tinkerwrks: Thank you so much for the support as always. I DO want to work on Xylia, and I am doing a little each day. I have about thirty sketches now, and I am trying to narrow down the approach I want to take when I start up again. that’s the hard part.

Miamistax: LOL. Yes, like Samianne, I like watching guys shave. I actually shaved my boyfriend’s beard once- I lost a bet about pandas…don’t ask. ^_^ It was quite scary being that close to his throat with that sharp blade- but there’s something sort of sexy intimate and vulnerable about the act of shaving too. I guess I’m not entirely weird, though- right Sami? Really this image was symbolic of Claude removing the beard he wore in Digonia…

Justine: Thank you so much for the kind words about my work and the story. Also for your suggestions on creativity. I do that too- but sometimes it gets me more bungled up. I have so many Xylia plots spinning in my head right now it’s kind of crazy. ^_^ Thank you for sharing your ideas with me and everyone!

Francisco: Thank you so much once again for your loyal support and kind words. And congrats on having your story posted at CotC! I you haven’t already, you all can read Francisco’s story here.

Omegon- thank you for the kind words and for letting me know about the RSS. I wasn’t aware of that!

USArmyretired- First off, if you are a veteran (as your name implies) thank you for your service to our country. And thank you too for the kind words about my art. It really means so much to me that you and so many others take the time to comment.

Robert- I’m sorry if my struggles have made you even more apprehensive about sharing your work. Normally I’m someone that encourages all creative people to get out there and share their work, but I suppose I should practice what I preach. I hope you will consider getting out there though- maybe starting smaller (like I did) on Drunk Duck and gradually building a following. Thank you for posting.

Julie- LOL! Thank you for going after those Negavox- unfortunately we all have to blow up or shut down our own nasty inner demons. But I appreciate you wanting to help. ^_^

Samianne- hee…I wondered if anyone would like the shaving pic. I have plenty more sketches I will be posting- I’m actually feeling very good about the blog and all the support you have all given me. It’s feeling like a safe place to hang out and get away again….

David- Thank you for sharing that post- there were a lot of excellent bits of wisdom there. I love to get as much knowledge as I can- the tricky part is putting it into practice when Im knocked down. Thank you for writing.

TK- First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to comment- and you are ‘good at commenting’, despite what you think. Thank you for enjoying Xyliatales and finding it unique. Just so you know, I am trying to take care of myself- stumbling about as I may be, and Xylia is starting to feel like a place where I can go to be happy again. I had other things in my life that were bringing happiness, but due to my own failings, some of those are drifting away and others have become strained, and I feel the desire to turn to my art again for comfort. Thank you for the support.

Spas- most of the issues I’m dealing with are really outside the scope of Xyliatales. But the problem came when this project was a refuge for me and it turned into another stresspool. That is slowly changing. For me, these stories are very personal- I don’t know how many other webcomic authors feel that way, but there is a danger in putting so much of yourself in your work, as I have come to see. There is also a danger in ever comparing yourself and what you do or how you work or feel to others, and I choose not to do that. I am moving forward in my life- there is no other direction to go- but it is slow moving.

Christine: Your ‘glass shell’ analogy is such a perfect metaphor for me too. You feel that you can shatter and disintegrate, but at the same time you have sharp edges that can cut people around you. It’s not a successful way to exist. I’m so happy that you moved through that time relatively quickly, and thank you for sharing your challenges with everyone here. I have often said that the only way to eliminate a stigma is to be open, but also I have tried to live as honestly as I could the last several years…although the results have often been unfortunate. I’m trying to reinvent myself yet again, but this too is difficult, and when I’m really down, it’s next to impossible. Thank you, Christine.

MCat - As always, thank you for your support and comments. They do more than you can know.

Kyastar- thank you again for letting me know that you can be patient with me. It really means a lot, and I hope you all know I don’t take it for granted.

Grim- Excellent advice, and I do agree that no artist of any kind ever feel complete confidence, and I have no problems with feeling unsure and humble and never satisfied from my work. My issues are far deeper than that. Profound fear grips me pretty bad, and I just need to wrestle away from it. Thank you for your post.

Maggie- Again, I want to be sure that you understand that my depression is not because of the review- it is something that I have dealt with for a very, very long time. Things like that are disappointing and add to my struggle, but are by no means the cause. Thank you so much for your kind words about my work, and for being patient with me, like so many here.

Slamlander - thank you for your post and for your comments about critics. You are absolutely right about ‘writing as you go’. Not a wise move. It was something I did to keep my interest level up in the project, but in the end has added to the difficulty and stress of working on it. NOT recommended! Again with the review- that is only one small piece of the puzzle that makes up my stress ball right now- and a very small one at that. I really don’t want anyone blaming or flaming the guy who wrote the review- or even bringing it up- my point was only that it set off a chain reaction of feelings and doubts I already had about Xyliatales, which ended up sending me into retreat for a while. Thank you again, Slamlander for your comments and sharing your blog! And yes, I hope I can recapture the muse that helps me create once again.

Wayfarer- first of all, no I never tire of hearing the kind advice from the Xyliacs- new angles and approaches that you have all tried. Every one of them is given in kindness with a purpose of reaching out and trying to help, and that means so much to me. Especially now. Im glad that you are progressing with your creative endeavors, and I have thought about doing some side project for a time, but worried that I would get caught up in it and have trouble returning to Xyliatales. It’s better right now I think for me to try to get Xylia back on my front burners. Thank you Wayfarer for your kindness as always.

Thank you all for being so amazingly supportive- after all this time. I know that some would say that this is ‘just an internet community’ but I also know that your comments are heartfelt and well thought out, and I really appreciate that kind of support and caring right now.  Thank you all so much.

Love, B

Sorry everyone, I had posted a blog and in a fit of insecurity took it down. today’s post is one of many doodles I have been trying to do- vainly trying to find the way to create and write again. I’m failing at it pretty miserably.

I’m having a tough time in Barbland, sorry I have been absent so much. I’m not going to lie- my fear of creating and telling my story is hurting my spirit. I try to start something and I only hear how poor or wrong it is in my mind. The story was and needs to be too personal, and I am too afraid to be that vulnerable.

Fear is everywhere around me it seems. The “Negavox” are loud and strong.

———-Edit———-

Hey everyone-
Thank you so much for your kind words, you really amaze me. I will respond to what you have said in my next update, but right now I want to post responses to the last update…

————–Responses to July 28————–
JakeRaven- hee hee…you’re making me blush there. ‘crazy good looking’? what are you looking at? LOL! I was surprised that some of you said that- I really didn’t expect a response like that- I just posted those to make you all laugh! ^_^ Thank you, though.

Christine- These really reminded me of the photo booth pics my best friend MOnica and I used to do! Thank you for the kind words- and my treadmill injuries are long healed! thank you for all your support.

Rob R. - *blush* ‘super hot’? Aw jeepers….I’m really embarrassed here. That you for that, and for all the great comments about weathering the slings and arrows of the critics.

Miamistax- another one? You all are really making me blush a lot here…. the blog is a good thing for me I think, and I have done quite a few doodles of late, so I have things to post. Thank you so much for all you kind words! You all make fighting the ‘Nothing’ more of a team effort. ^_^

Jackie- Okay, yous all are just being too nice. Thank you for the kind words and the awesome ideas about how to break writer’s block. I actually find that doing ‘concept art’ where I draw potential upcoming scenes, helps me the most, and I’ve been doing quite a bit of that! Thank you so much for the suggestions and the kind words!

Tinkwrks- thank you so much for your patience!

Kez- You would take the most awesome reference shots! LOL!

Octodude- thank you very much for the kind comments on the pics- actually it’s hard to see, but the #12 pic, is actually kind of a sad face more than a kick butt face. You also got a lot of the guesses right on who I was supposed to be in the pics!

Ash- Your welcome on explaining the costume reference. Hope you are doing well on your exams! LOL- the pics with the book are supposed to be Claude reading his book…

Brent- yes, I am both working on reference pics and crazy! You got it right there! ^_^ Loved your Avatar comment! LOL

Francisco- great suggestion about the characters figuring things out- and I’m trying to take that advice/

Silent Mech- thank you for the kind words on the workouts. I weighed myself yesterday and the scale says I’ve lost another six pounds since I last weighed- but I think the scale is wrong! Thank you for your suggestion and kind words!

Silverwolf- thank you very much for the comment- the face you commented on was me posing for a new character.

Thank you all for writing- I will answer the current posts very soon!

Thank you all for your support!
Hugs,
B

Hello, Xyliacs!

I’m sorry that last week got away from me as well as the first part of the week, I know  I need to get better about scheduling Xyliatales back in my world.  I had a couple of rush projects and then of course a house full of teenagers which makes concentration nearly impossible.  (at one point my son had ten of his friends in here recording a shouted chorus to one of the songs his band wrote)  0.o

—————Xylia News———————————————-

Most of my work on Xyliatales has still been in my head, and I haven’t moved into that scary place of doing actual work on it. It’s really weird to be so afraid of creating something that I once enjoyed so much.  I know I’m creating a bigger problem for myself the longer I wait, but work and family, chores and storms, appointments, exercise, friends and events…there is always something to use as an excuse to stay away from it. Still hoping to move past that.

Since I haven’t drawn characters in so long, I did take some funny reference pics to sort of help me as I go, and I thought I would share them here on the update- I’m hoping to do some sketching this week, and I hoped these images would help inspire me with poses and lighting.  See if you can see the different characters that I’m posing for. (The one place my crazy nature is actually useful- posing for different characters…LOL!)

I have two different approaches to ‘reloading’ the story- and it’s just deciding the best way to go….I think if I just start writing it will become clear.

Once I get back into this thing, I hope to release that long promised Volume I.  Honestly, when the prints came back, I wasn’t 100% happy with them.   That has to be worked out too…

One last thing here- if you haven’t read Josh’s great review of Last Airbender- please do, and feel free to join in the discussion!

————————-Barblog—————————

One of the great things about blogging is getting feedback from other folks- all ages- seeing that they go through similar things that I do.  It really helps me feel less alone in my crazy journey, and I hope those of you kindred spirits feel the same way:  maybe I’m not crazy, maybe the world is. 

Anyway, I want to thank those of you who shared so many supportive thoughts and stories about your own struggles with depression. Most people at one time or another find themselves dealing with it, which is why I find it useless to be embarrassed or secretive about it.

The last two weeks have been much better for me.  I have been working quite a bit, and getting to the gym very regularly, and these two things seem to play a big part in keeping the blues at bay. Particularly running.  I’ve been trying to jog at least a little while every day, and that really makes a huge difference.  Except when you fall off a treadmill in front of a bunch of people…but that’s another story.  ^_^  I’ve also been getting out and spending time with friends for coffee and dinner- my social schedule is actually a little too busy for my work schedule and I need to pare that down a bit.  Always a balancing act.   Got on stage and sang again too with my son- which people always find really cool in a Partridge Family sort of way- but music still doesn’t feel like something I want to really get into regularly.  It’s still fun once in a while, though. 

This week finds me mired in more ‘real world’ icky issues- sales tax, accountant stuff, and getting projects out the door. But I’m going to get this blog up TODAY….(if you’re reading it- success!)

—————————–Response—————————————

Tinkerwrks: Thank you for the kind words.  I feel a lot better too- and that’s the main reason I want to work out.

Crisjin: Congratulations to you TOO on your fitness goals!  I’m actually considering a Zumba class, but it looks so complicated to me.  I’m not good at following dance steps AT ALL. Running is easy, but I have a lot of friends who have knee problems and can’t.   Thank you for the encouragement!  Same to you!

Joseph: Congrats again to you too on your weight loss, and keeping it off!  I do hope to get to Xylia sooner than later!  Thank you for the vote of confidence!

Wayfarer: “creatophobia” – I like that!!  I also like your ideas for solving it- the trail of lollipops, etc.   But this statement is very true for me too: “Sometimes I think there’s something in me that finds the prospect of actually accomplishing anything to be the most terrible and horrible of fates”   Almost like the fear of success is the strongest fear.  Not sure what to do with that one…

Jamming: Thank you very much for the kind words.  ^_^  To me, getting comments on my silly blogs is like a ray of sunshine!!

Francisco: Thank you very much!  I have achieved many weight goals, just not my ultimate one.  I hope you are getting closer to reaching your goals too!

Octodude: Yes, Xylia seems to be quite squashed in this image…what is up with that? So you like that pic?  Thank you for the nice comments and ideas on writing, those are all excellent.   I think one of my biggest problems is discipline.  I need to MAKE TIME to implement things like you suggest.  And in so doing,  I do hope to get going on Xylia again.

Athena: Thank you for coming out of your lurking to write your kind words.  It is hard to come back to something if you can’t find a concrete financial reason for it.  But there are many other reasons to work on Xylia that can’t be measured financially.  I really have terrific readers, and to have such a wonderful audience with nothing to give them is a frustrating thing indeed.  But I can’t allow the frustration to stress me into not accomplishing anything.  That’s the real danger.  Thank you again for your nice comments.

Jande: Thank you very much for your words.  My friend Peg once sent me the song “Tubthumping” (a song my band once performed) at one of those knock down times- it’s a great one to listen to- “I get knocked down, but I get up again, but it never gonna keep me down…”

Anonymous: Thank you for voting EVERY DAY!  WOW!  ^_^  I’m still drawing, just not Xylia.  I hope that changes soon.

Hagar: I’m sorry to hear that you have had some struggles too.  Lithium? Yikes. That’s one that they very rarely use anymore- there are many more products that are far less damaging to the liver.  I don’t’ know if you have tried exercise, or looking at food too- strangely, some foods can effect mood too.   Best of luck with your search for a teaching position!  We will all be pulling for you.  Yes, I’m going to try to keep up with this blog (haven’t done too well with consistency, but I’m working on it!) Thank you, Hagar.

Dana: Thank you for sharing your story of your own challenges, and I thank you for saying that sharing my weight loss journey has helped inspire you in some way.  I really appreciate your kind words, and for sharing your own story here, that actually is inspirational and helpful for me!  Good luck with continuing your own fitness goals, keeping the blues at bay, and grabbing those words in your mind and getting them typed or written!  I know you can!

Julie: Thank you SO much for sharing your story and also your success in turning off those nasty ‘negavox’ as we like to call them here.  You are absolutely right!   Those thoughts spin and grow and become unmanageable if allowed to run free.  What a great job working through those things!  And like you, I have an amazingly understanding boyfriend, and that does really help, doesn’t it.  You are both an inspiration in working through issues like that.  It always makes me feel less alone when I meet another person who ‘gets’ it- but especially when they have found a way to rise above the challenges of having an over creative, sensitive mind!  This seems to be true of many Xyliacs!  Thank you again, Julie.

Olivia: “Depression sucks”  Very well said, Olivia.  It does.  It really does.  I’m sorry to hear about your struggles with the “Black Dog” and with stress,  but I’m glad that you are taking it head on.  Stress and Depression seem to be a lovely tag team, don’t they?  Hard to know who comes in the room first, but they like to work in tandem, and it makes things all that more difficult because Stress has that lovely talent for throwing a wrench into our physiology.  Hard to accomplish any real headway when loaded down with adrenaline, and the effects that causes.  Then Depression can wander in and start whispering all kinds of nasties in our ear…

But awareness- that’s huge. It’s power.  Because once those two are called out for what they are, then we can start figuring out how to catch them and stuff them in their cages.  Yes, they may escape from time to time, but once we have the skills and tools to overcome them, their power diminishes greatly.  You keep it up too, Olivia, and know that I’m rooting for YOU  and all my friends who are working on their challenges with depression.

Strange Ian: Thank you!  This is an outfit I found …somewhere…it’s a 1915 dress and jacket with an embroidered sash and matching hat. I loved it. ^_^

Graceofbass: Thank you, I always worry that my blogs are overindulgent.  But, it is my blog after all, so I can do what I want!  LOL! I know that frustration, and I wish I could get myself straightened out and update my blog at least with more regularity.  I’m trying to get better at it.  Actually, replying to the comments takes a good while, but it’s something I want to do.  It’s just finding a block of time to concentrate and do it properly. (I really shouldn’t be doing this now, but it’s been TOO long!!) thank you Grace!

Silverwolf: thank you very much!! Stick figure drawing- that’s kind of funny, and not a bad idea.  I like your Stick Figure Special concept.  Excellent.  And I completely agree with you about concentration- well, if you are ADD like me, you know it really truly doesn’t exist.  Tis like…faeiries. 

Ash: Yes, you are right about that necklace being familiar.  That is her poii gem. The dress is actually Edwardian, but it harkens to a Victorian style which really suits Xylia.  When I started researching NIgel’s Opus (which takes place in 1915) I was quite disappointed how the lovely Victorian fashions had become much more simplified during WWI, and weren’t as elaborate or even as flattering. Probably a lot more comfortable and affordable though.

Ladyfox7oaks: Thank you for the hugs and warm wishes.  Yes, sadly the all mighty dollar tends to take precedence over most everything.  Just the way it goes. But thank you so much for your support!!

Thank you everyone for stopping by in this down time of Xyliatales. I really don’t deserve all the loyalty that you bestow.  I will really try to do much better on being timely with the blogs.

Thank you again for all your support!  See you very soon.  (shootin’ for MOnday…we’ll see…)

Hugs,

~B

When I first heard they were making this beloved cartoon series into a live action series I was understandably skeptical.  If history taught me anything, a 50/50 chance of being good was only possible if the director was a good one.  So when I heard that the director was M. Knight Shyamalan I was just deeply confused.  My first thought was, “The twist ending horror guy?”  I’d seen most his movies.  The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village, Lady in the Water.  He’s very hit or miss.

I then read the reviews.  Which called it terrible.  In fact Joe Morgenstern of the Wall Street Journal had this to say:

“M. Night Shyamalan’s big-screen live-action version of the popular Nickelodeon animated TV series constitutes a form of Chinese water torture in which tin-ear line-readings take the place of drips.”

Harsh words, but sadly not the harshest review I have seen.  I had initially decided to not go see the movie.  But fate conspired that I would get to see the movie after all, and in 3D.

My largest complaint is actually about the 3D.  It was clearly and obviously added in at the last moment as a way to make extra money on tickets.  Generally only the special effects themselves are rendered into 3D, leaving them feel like cheap tricks.  Unfortunately time and time again 3D is being used as just that.  A cheap trick to throw in that increases the cost of a ticket by five dollars for little effect.  3D can be done well, and when it is it is amazing to watch.  This isn’t a case of that though.

But what of the movie itself?

The child actors were just that.  Child actors who have lots of room to grow.  Not always delivering lines as well as seasoned actors, but never making me wonder how they got the job.

The story was unfortunately not as good as the cartoon series.  I don’t think this came from a lack of writing talent.  I think this came from trying to shove an entire season of a show into one movie.  Think of it this way.  At twenty episodes at approximately twenty two minutes long, the first season ran about seven hours and thirty minutes. (Not counting commercial time)  This movie attempted to cover the same story arc in one hour and forty minutes.  See the problem?  There were definitely things that could be cut out easily.  Whole episodes did nothing to further the plot or reveal any new details.  But some of the choices of what to cut out didn’t always make sense.

Why is Roku not being featured?  Why is Aang talking with a dragon when dragons never talked in the cartoon?  Why are the firebenders unable to bend without a separate source of fire when they could in the cartoon?  Why are all the names being said differently?  Why do the Earthbenders in jail (was that a jail? Someone watching with me didn’t even realize it was at first, and I barely did) just sit there and not use the earth all over to fight back and break out?

These left for confusing times both for people who have never seen the series and for those who have.  They detracted from the movie, but didn’t ruin it.  Some of the changes would only be visible to someone who has seen the series, such as the firebenders not being able to bend without fire already nearby.

The story still made it through though.  The action scenes were mostly enjoyable. (Minor complaint, if Aang is going to take that many stances and moves to get up a gust of wind, then sooner or later an enemy is going to stop waiting and just kill him.  See also: forming Voltron/Megazord)

Overall I have to say that The Last Airbender was not a great movie.  It was decent to not very good.  I wouldn’t put it on par with the worst movie I have ever seen (Vanilla Sky, I’m looking at you).  I would actually put it on par with the first Harry Potter movie.  A movie that had a lot of good story to live up to, a lot of story that had to be cut out often leading to decisions on why this was cut, this was added, and this was kept.  And like Harry Potter, probably a movie that with time, sequels, and aging of actors, will probably have potential to grow to the level of good.

It’s a renter. Maybe a Red Box renter.  But it’s not awful.  And my theory is so many people say so solely because it’s just become the cool thing to hate right now.

Canterrain

Hi Xyliacs,

Sorry it’s been so long. As usual, lots of stuff going on- I’ll talk about some of this in my blog. For those of you new to Xyliatales, please keep in mind that my blog is a place were I talk about all told and untold jibberish, and much of it is personal.  If that gets on your nerves, then puleeease navigate around the blog.  ^_^  Thank you.

As I am writing today, there is a noisy weedwhip, my yapping dog, interruptions of teens every so often, and the neighbor kids screaming in their pool. Ah, summer. 0.o Concentration? What’s that? Anyway, if this post doesn’t make sense, you will know why…

———————-Xyliatales News——————–

First of all, a big congrats to Crisjin, who asked his lady friend to marry him, and shared the details of his elaborate and wonderfully romantic proposal in the Xyliacs blog:  Crisjin’s proposal
FWIW, Claude- the eternal romantic- approves. And yes, she said YES.  ^_^

“Good show, mate!”

Also, I wanted to tell everyone about the amazing gift I received from Matt Romoser, long time reader and the winner of the voice over contest last year. He did an delightful recording of Chapter 1 of Nigel’s Opus. I hope to share it with you all at some point. He just does a wonderful job reading and bringing the characters to life. It really was inspiring for me, and got me fired up about working again.

Ah yes, working on Xylia. I have made no secret of my creative block here. It’s actually almost like a phobia. Keeps me from even trying. There is always something around here to fill the time, to use as an excuse, but the bottom line is that I am afraid. Afraid to start writing.  Afraid to draw.  Afraid to mess up. It’s really disheartening. Today’s image is a concept drawing I created- reaching out of my comfort zone- I’m trying to make time to do some of these each week. I have a good idea where the story is heading, what to write- it’s just a matter of actually writing. And then drawing. I’m praying it will get easier.

Hopefully, I will be reviving the Xyliatales On Air Show very soon. I’m going to try to get a broadcast up in the next week or two. Not sure what I will do, but it will be fun to say hi to everyone…

Broadcasting Live with Ustream.TV

As always- thank you so much for all of your patience. And another big thanks to Kez for getting the site transferred and to all at Spiderforest!

——————–Barblog———————-

The biggest news is that I just made my way out of one of those nasty downward spirals. I spent a good five-six days really struggling with a dreadful depression and as such it was hard to accomplish anything. Thankfully, I got some help, and my boyfriend was wonderfully supportive, and I moved through it. But being that I was already behind on freelance because of my June travels, this week has been a slapdash hurry to complete a multitude of projects, in high quality and on time. New jobs are coming in requiring proposals. It’s wonderfully busy, but leaves me no time to work on Xylia, which as I mentioned before, is a bit of a comfort since I’m still in a fearful place with it. Guh. Hate being this way, but I am what I am.

My fitness goals continue. As of this writing I have lost a total of 56 pounds. I am planning on running in a 5K this fall, and I run three miles almost every day. It really helps with my mood a great deal – that’s really more important to me than that than just an appearance or general health thing. The best goal reached is that I have reached the point where I am in the medical normal weight range for my height, a place I haven’t been in over twenty years. Now it’s a matter of toning and losing about twenty more pounds- to be in the proper range for my small frame.  (At 72″, I may be Amazon height, but I still have small bones.)

That’s about all for now…like I said, I hope to be able to start writing very soon, and posting after that.  Wish me luck, Xyliacs.

——————————Response————————-

Shirash: Thank you for your follow up comments.  I do try to keep everyone up to date as often as I can- I wish it was more consistant, and now that I’m starting to get into a regular work pattern, that will hopefully be easier.

Agreed that it’s best for writers to inform their fan base as often as they can.  Ideally, it’s best to keep updating!  But as we all know, the real world is a sucky place sometimes, and ideals can be kicked to the curb.  I’m hoping my writers block gets busted away very soon here.

Bathbomber: That’s a great idea with the donation incentive!  I will definitely give that a go.  I had some ideas about that.

Gingerbread: Thank you for sticking around!  Yes, going back is somethign I would prefer to not do, but this time it’s just a necessity. It shouldn’t have to happen again. I knew from the get-go that this characters didn’t fit, and I tried to stuff them in the story anyway.  Won’t make that mistake again.

Ash: Thank you for the nice words about what type of fay I might be.  That is so kind of you to say those nice things.  Might have to draw that sometime… ^_^ Thank you for posting!

Skewered: You have been gliding out of your corner quite a bit!  I like it! It’s funny what you say about me being like Katharos- I will try to post a photo of me surrounded by Lorikeets that my boyfriend took in Australia.  ^_^ Definitely a Kath moment.

MuttLover: thank you SO much for your kind comments. I really appreciate all of you, and the worst part about this hiatus is that I feel guilty not sharing any story with you right now.  I’m glad that you consider my journal more than just random drivel!  I always worry that it’s too jabbery and whiny. Thank you for your post!

Gabi: Thank you very much for your support of both my time to regroup and to eliminate characters.  I really am grateful I have such supportive readers. Thanks!

Ladyfox7oaks: Thank you very much for your kind words. I never think of myself as ‘strong’, I’m just trying to do the best I can.  Sometimes that isn’t much, but I really appreciate the kindness you all show me.  Thank you!

Aquila: Sorry!  You know, there were so many people I would have loved to have seen when I was there.  The thing is that it was really a time to see my sweetheart- we only get a handful of days together every four months or so, and it’s never enough time.  I had dreadful jet lag on this trip too, so I was out for a good day when I got there. Sorry I didn’t get to see you!  Loved it in Australia.

Meika: thank you for the kind words about my work, and for the interest in the return of Xylia.  I wish I could give an exact date of a return- and I hope to get that figured out as soon as I can. Thank you!!! The weather was quite nice- we were there on the first day of winter and it was pleasant. A few rainy days, but then we headed north to Moreton Island, and it was lovely.

Octodude: yes, that girl and those crazy birds have a familiar look about them now…

Isn’t Kez the bomb?

Well, you know how I fret and stew. Fortunately, the characters weren’t that established. If they had been I woulda had to kill them. mwha ha ha…

Things are going better for Josh in some ways,  I hope that he can post a blog at some point and share what’s going on. He is very busy preparing for the wedding, but I know he has appreciated everyone’s prayers and thoughts.

Thank you for your patience with Xylia…and everything else.

Thank you everyone, for reading, stopping by and for being so WONDERFULLY patient with me.  I hope the story is worth the wait. You are the best!

Hugs,~B

Hello everyone!

Again, it has been too long since my last reply. As always, I have my reasons, and I hope they don’t sound like excuses. Before I get into where I’ve been, and also my comments to those of you on my last blog, I want to share some important information about Xyliatales. News, as it were.

———————————Xylia News——————————————

Okay, annoucement number one.

Our time with our friends at Keenspot has drawn to a close. Chris and Teri have graciously shared their site with us for a very long time, and I hope Xylia was a helpful property to their endeavor. At the end of last year, Keenspot announced that they were changing their business plan, and that only a few properties would remain with the company. This was a business decision which I fully understood. They were kind enough to allow those of us that were hosted by Keenspot to take six-seven months to find a new host network.

The good news?  Our friends at Spiderforest graciously offered us a spot in their group of comics!  Thank you everyone at SF!  And thank you Kez for getting the site up and running so quickly and smoothly!  Barely a blip!  That Kez is amazing!

For those of you inquiring about Nigel’s Opus, the archive is available once again.  Thank you to those of you who brought it to our attention that it was shut down.

Okay here is weird announcement number two.

If you have been reading my blogs or my Facebook whinings, you know that I have been in a creative slump- a nosedive in fact. I have talked with friends, tried banging my head on the wall a bit, and after it all, regarding Xylia I realized that I had to do something rash. My pal Steve Jones and I were talking about the peculiarity of this ‘writing as I go’ technique, and how I wish I hadn’t done things that way because I have hit a place now where I have to do a rewrite. Deletion. Changing things up. And like Steve said- and I’m paraphrasing here- ‘it’s your story. You do what you need to. What you have to do. Only you can know what that is.”

0.o I fought it, but with his encouragement (reminding me that it’s MY story) I became more comfortable with the idea of what I knew in my heart needed to happen. Thing is, if I was drafting this, and no one had ever seen what was written or drawn, I would have no problem. But…. I’m doing this very publicly, and it’s going to be weird.

So here goes.

The current running chapter is going to be deleted.

I know what y’all are saying. I know. “APRIL AND DECEMBER? GONE? NO! Not them!” The thing is kids, I have struggled to get them in the story, and I realized that the reason I struggled so long is because – they don’t belong in the story. This story, anyway. I had done sketches way back, thought that they would work in, but they don’t. Once I accepted that – the thing was that I would have to remove them. There is no easy way. It just has to be done. This is the problem with writing as you go, you are making changes and edit cuts in front of your audience.

Hopefully with time, you all will understand my reasoning, and who knows, maybe they will have a place in the story down the road.

More importantly, I hope you like where the story goes.

Okay, that is the news and info.

Now the blog section…

————————————Barblog————————————-

June was a very busy month around here. I was out of my studio a total of 20 days! The kids and I took a wonderful trip to visit my best friend in Princeton New Jersey, then a day trip into Manhattan, then a few days in Chicago. Then a couple weeks later I met my sweetheart in Australia and had a wonderful time seeing the sights and spending time with him. I will post some photos in my next blog. My only regret was that I never had a chance to meet up with Sarah E. I sure hope I get back to Australia again someday. Beautiful country, wonderful people.

Anyway, it was a wonderful time, and I will say here that I am blessed to have such a wonderful guy in my life.

I won’t say too much, because I don’t want to embarrass him. ^_^
I will say that being in love makes me even more scatterbrained than I already was.
At least it’s for a good reason. ^_^

——————————Response——————————————–

I’ve decided to respond to the comments on the previous blogs in my messages. I hope that is okay with everyone. It’s just easier that way because when I respond in the comments, and there are more comments, it gets confusing for me. (I get confused easily) ^_^

Matt- Thank YOU for reading my story. I ‘ve always said that as a creative person, I have never felt that my work has purpose unless someone else is enjoying it. You make that possible. Thank you for your kind words.

PrairieGhost- <3!

Francisco- Thank you for your patience with me. And also for the book on anxiety. I’m always looking to learn more things and strategies. Thank you for the support for both Josh and Myself.

Octodude- Double ditto (I don’t know the Latin…hee) <3

JoJo- I try to respond to posts as often as I can. I’m just honored that people take the time to read my work, and then to comment – especially those of you who are so patient and encouraging of me. I am so grateful for that. Thanks for the nice comment!

Skewered- thank you for gliding out of your corner once again with a terrific quote.

Crisjin- thank you so much for your support and kind words. I am trying to learn from this (and all experiences) it’s never easy when you are a hypersensitive idealistic crazy person, but the journey is the point, not the destination. Thank you for your support!

Joanne- thank you for the nice comment on the sketch! I was worried it was too scratchy to make out! I drew that on the plane ride to New Jersey. And yes you are a very patient group and I am so grateful.

Jamming-Those are wonderful quotes. Really wonderful. Thank you for sharing them.

Caitydid- Thank you for the nice comments! You are certainly wise beyond your years: “Cause then you’ll be having no fun, and life is too short to not have fun doing what you love” (although I know a LOT of 22 year olds and younger who have pretty good outlooks on life) As I mentioned earlier, to me writing to the responses I get is something I feel is the very least I can do. I can’t express how fortunate I feel to have so many readers who are not only willing to be patient throughout this hiatus- where there are no story updates, but still checking back anyway. But also, who even take the time to write these kind words, share inspiring quotes, or personal stories with me. I just wish my response time was quicker! (this time it was a month, but I was gone for most of June.) Thank you again!

Ash- I loved your comment. That was truly delightful, particularly what you had written. Thank you so much for sharing that. <3

Marie- I try to write in response – this time it took me quite a bit of time, and I apologize. Now that my travels are over, and I will be in my studio seven days a week once again, my responses will hopefully get more prompt. FWIW, I am getting that Xylia feeling back…

Graywhisper- Yes the review of TPR was brought up before. What a load of horsehooey. I’ve pretty much put the Mexican Mask Wearing Dork and his Review of Misunderstanding and Dislike in my past incidents circular file, and would ask that y’all do the same.

Henrike- I was really humbled by the number of responses then, and on this post. I am always stunned at the outpouring of support that I continue to get from you all. I feel blessed to have such loyal, bright, and giving readers. It keeps me striving to continue. ‘Sycophant’ is insulting to you all to be most sure. At no point does the support here ever seem to be in hopes of gain, but more the type of caring that one would hope to see in the world.

Jane- Thank YOU for your support and taking the time to comment! I apologize for the delay in posting.

Chris AKA Dragonscales- thank you so much for reading Xylia, and for the prayers for Josh and his family. I’m hoping that Josh may be able to post a blog to share how things are going. Thank you so much for your patience.

Hannelore- Thank you for the very nice comment, and welcome to the Xyliacs! I’m glad that you enjoyed the story. (Nice understanding of Katharos’ and Tychia’s characters! LOL! Loved that) Xylia is always on my mind, and I’ve been spitballing and figuring things out for weeks. I’m hoping to get concrete things together in the next few days.

TNS – thank you for the comment, and I hope to add more to your coffee entertainment very soon!!

Strange Ian- I LOVED your lawnmower story. That really meant a lot to me. Thank you for sharing it. I’m working on some new plants right now. <3

Carina- thank you so much for your patience and support. The evil lawnmower is ancient history, and new sprouts are popping up all over. ^_^ Thank you for your comment!

Sparks- DAWWW! Yes, Corgis DO make everything better. She is such a beauty.

Master of Stories- well, with a name like that, you have my attention! Thank you for the kind comment about Xylia. It will return. I promise!

Shirash- My intention was never to put Xylia on an indefinite hiatus. Again, I offer my sincere apologies that I have been gone throughout the month of June. I wanted to respond earlier, but there just wasn’t time.

As far as feeling a sense of ‘intrusiveness’ of my blog entries, it is a blog- essentially a personal journal. As with any blog, it’s up to the reader what they CHOOSE to read. Since my divorce, I have maintained an open door policy on much of my world. Not everything, but the general ups and downs. Yes, it makes some people uncomfortable but those folks who are really annoyed by it don’t stick around, and that’s the way it goes. What I have found is that far more people are encouraged by my personal stuff; kindred folks experiencing similar challenges and feeling safe to share their own stories- no longer feeling like they are alone sometimes. And that means the world to me. Depression in a dark cave is a dangerous thing.

I would rather that people see the real me and my real world than to pussy foot around in denial, trying to make nice with the bunch of stinky crap that’s been dumped on my head or ignoring elephants in a corner. I lived the first many years of my life like that, and it was a lethal perspective for me and therefore, it’s not what I choose to do any longer. So that said, if you don’t want to hear about the ins and outs of my crazy world because it makes you uncomfortable, I would recommend you avoid my blogs because I’m not going to change them.

As far as Fantasy Realms, Niko is a good friend, and suffice say he went through some terrible times which led to him having to stop work on Fantasy Realms. He chose not to share the details of this with his readers – as is his right. Several people came into the forums and ranted and stomped their feet like children about it- “Where is our free story!!” Like little princes and princesses demanding the minstrel sing for them… (That crappy sense of entitlement that enrages me… )just the thing he DIDN’T need at that time, but he never complained. Niko never does. He is a wonderful person and a kind heart.

The fact remains that we webcomic creators share our stories free of charge with the internet audience. The projects are labors of love, and if we have to put them on hold, I can assure you it’s FAR more painful for us than any disappointed reader can possibly imagine.

All that said, thank you for the support of Josh and me as we get through the “trials, tribulations and whatnot”.

SilentMech- D’oh! That’s just silly. ^_^ thank you for the squee but it’s absolutely silly for me. ^_^

Amber- Thank you so much for the kind words about my work. I try to put my absolute best into each page, and when I feel that I don’t have the Right Stuff, as I haven’t for a few months, I have to pull back until I do. As far as critics, I’m moving on from that lambasting, but thank you for your insight!

Kyastar- Thank you again for the video and the GORGEOUS Xylia batik project. I’m sorry I have been gone so much and haven’t had time to post this sooner. To seeKyastar’s YouTube videoclick the link. It made me SMILE big time. Thank you so much!

Amy- and yes, I’m sorry I haven’t replied sooner here. I hope to not have so much lag time in the future. Thank you for the kind words for Josh, I know he appreciates it a great deal! Hope that my updates will be less sporadic in the coming weeks.

Shades of Twilight- Thank you so much for the kind words and welcome to Xyliatales and the Xyliacs! Thank you for subscribing, and as I’ve told all the other readers, THANK YOU for your wiliness to be patient with me. Thank you very much!

Sir Godspeed- Indeed, and I am grateful for all the readers and comments I have. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers!

Avidreadercina- I have to apologize for that. I was unaware that the link to Nigel was broken! We are in the process of an overhaul (and a host switch) so I will make sure to inform Almighty Kez that Nigel is missing from the menu. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

Abre- thank you so much for sharing your story with me. And yes, I do completely understand all that you are saying, and I’m sorry for what you have been through. I like your philosophy on criticism, and I try to do the same- sometimes harder than other times, but the Negavox is sometimes louder than any logic.

I have gotten ‘help’, I assure you. Lots and lots and lots. But that’s another story for another day. Right now I find that regular exercise seems to be the best medicine for me- not always working, but definitely the endorphins help clear my mind a great deal. Having a wonderful supportive man doesn’t hurt at all either…. Thank you so much for sharing Abre, and welcome to the Xyliacs!

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All right Xyliacs, hold tight, I’m hoping to be back very soon with another blog and then some more story for you. Thank you SO MUCH for all of your support and patience. You are all amazing.

Hugs,

~B